It's in the Water

     I've been enjoying college. There's interesting people, I get to cook my own meals, and American Heritage is not the the snarling devil-beast everyone told me it would be. I've figured out I can give my plasma to people who are quite possibly vampires for money, and that my childhood is vindicated now that Calvin and Hobbes and Joss Whedon are seen to be as awesome as they actually are. I only noticed the change after a movie night assignment for American Heritage, a 1966 movie adaptation of a play called A Man For All Seasons. Very political, very historical, and I liked it. And that's the problem.

     See, I know myself well enough to know that I'm very rarely entertained by political dialog. I don't care about politics and its oh-so-shouty world. I don't care about who gets into what positions and what effects that'll have on the global everything. When I realized I was now an ad-ult and old enough to vote, I viewed my own power with fear, and I care more about my homework than who gets to be President. I'm not the kind of person to like political movies, and yet I enjoyed this one, and I think I'm beginning to understand why.

     I think something is happening at this school, something dark and sinister. I think we're all caught in a web of lies and treachery that goes all the way to the top. I think only the main character and romantic interest will make it out unscathed. (I think the only way to stop it is to overuse cliches.)

     I'm not naturally a happy person, and then I came here. I've been cooking my own meals with scant ingredients and constant hangups and yet it's one of the highlights of being here. American Heritage assigned me 12 pages of Locke and then said it was the wrong reading and I still don't hate the class. I'm not even mad about the persistent malfunctions of Learning Suite or that the internet router is a potato.

     I think we're all slowly being brainwashed. It's the only explanation for this kind of non-hostility on my part, and the quiet happiness I can't seem to be rid of. Whether or not it's all of us, I don't know, but I can't imagine I'd be singled out. We're all victims of this conspiracy, and I'm getting out.

     The only way for Them to consistently get something into my system is through the water, because my eating schedule's been anything but regular. With this in mind, the solution is clear.

     If you want to make it out of here intact, only drink juice. Never boil your pasta, eat it raw. Set up filters for rainwater collection if you have to. Eat juicy fruits and never, EVER, go into the swimming pool. I can't be held responsible for the consequences if you do.