As You Were

     "Why do you go away? So that you can come back. So that you can see the place you came from with new eyes and extra colors. And the people there see you differently, too. Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving." Terry Pratchett, A Hat Full Of Sky.

     This quote was on my mind because people from the Old World are visiting, and because I'll be heading home soon. Don't get me wrong, the person visiting is a great friend and it'll be terrific to see him again, but I've begun to worry about the Old World seeing me as exactly the same person as I was when I left. I'm not. When I come back, I will be better than I was.

     I've thought about this practically since I came to college. Life in the Old World hurt, and part of my reasons for coming out here early was because I was done with that life. I wanted to be something different, so I found a place where no one knew my name. And it worked. Life is good now. But now I've got two weeks before heading back to that life, and I'm far more worried about that than I am about finals.

     Again, life in the Old World hurt. Too much crap going on that couldn't be fixed. And absolutely nothing has changed since I left, so I'm heading right back into that. On the other hand, there's stuff that'll be a hundred times easier to learn at home, so if I want to continue getting better, that's where I need to go. I don't know that there's a way to avoid this, but that knowledge doesn't stop me from dreading it.

     I just hope that I've learned enough to stay on top of things this time around. I'm planning a rather drastic life overhaul, and if I can pull it off, it'll be worth everything I have to endure along the way. The Old World isn't the place for this, but it's better than the New World. New World doesn't provide the space needed to learn.

     I know this is what needs doing. I know that everything I'm worrying about cannot be avoided. And I know that coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving. I am coming back better than I was. And I'm hoping with all my heart that that'll be enough.